Choosing To Rest

Choosing To Rest Originally dated February 14, 2020
(Late post with Addendum, and oh, so pertinent)

While on a search to understand why it is, that we place more emphasis on productivity as a cultural norm and that we define productivity as an ever increasing standard where the bar must continuously be raised to reach our “personal best”, I reflect on my own life event timeline. I, too, have reached personal bests: high school honor student, graduating from Boston College in three years while also working the night shift at Beth Israel Hospital, securing employment before graduation, cycling across the country, completing graduate school at Tulane, married and raising children, successfully building my own local homeschool group while maintaining a private practice, becoming an Ironman finisher, moving a practice to a new city and beginning again, and, and, and…”. WHEW!! When is it okay to take pause?

I practice intentional relational therapy with my clients. In a nutshell this means that I model effective behavior for life shifts for others, not only through an exchange of words and the development of the relationship, but mostly through my actions and self disclosure. So, when did it recently become okay to work 12 hour days several days in a row? When did that become my norm and that which I modeled most recently to my clients? What I have learned in this bit of research (ahem, self reflection) is that I have bought into the culture of doing more is best as the momentum carried me forward into the abyss of this illusion of productivity. 

To be productive does not require the continuous strive for perfection, validation, or the expenditure of great amounts of time prescribed by the over valued term of “busy”. Quite frankly, being busy keeps me at a distance from exactly that which I have high stakes in - the business of relating. If I am to continue to connect with others on meaningful levels and continue my life mission of making a positive difference in another’s life, I have to lean into the notion of the importance of “rest”.

Rest, think of sleep. As I understand sleep to be restorative in nature, then rest is also as restorative. In my research/self reflection of recent, I am exploring what rest can mean to me. I have practiced several forms of rest over my lifetime without much thought in its purpose until now. I have found swimming long laps, pleasure reading, endurance cycling, daily yoga, and more, to be restful. I have also included 10 minute naps, meditation, and some writing. But, if I am to truly embrace this idea of rest, more reflection was necessary. I have begun to extend the meaning of rest to now include a morning writing ritual, long baths, a ceremonious cup of coffee, challenging baking, long walks/hikes, and various forms of play: puzzles, old board games, art, and time with friends. More importantly, I now understand rest to be my new definition of productive. Without rest as a daily priority, I am not able to continue my life goals for self, my family, my clients, and others. Rest is my journey toward continued connection to self and others. 

Addendum March 21, 2020

The dichotomy we all face: rest and productivity, is particularly challenged by all of us worldwide today. The anxiety of the unknown pushes us forward to be more busy, yet we are urged by medical professionals to sit tight, stay in, to slow the spread of Covid-19. We are all being forced to rest, with the exception of those considered essential personnel whom we so heavily rely on right now to maintain our health/well-being and infrastructure and whom we are so grateful for their skills, presence, stamina, and perseverance. 

Perhaps this is an opportunity to recalibrate as a society. Learning to slow down to the beat that life gives us today is what we have available. While schools and businesses are striving to cling to typical, maybe real healing exist within ourselves. Just maybe, we all hunker down for a few weeks to REST and be still and be okay with that stillness so that we emerge with greater enthusiasm for connection to others. I truly believe that while we are disconnected socially/physically that in a strange way, we reconnect more meaningfully, (while keeping our safe healthy distancing) by promoting our video chatting to become more meaningful, our texts heavy with giving to others, our calls sensitive to need, our emails and photos more vulnerable and personal. And, in our new beginning, after much “rest”, we are ALL asking one another, “How can I help you?”